I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
