yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
