.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
