Too much gin, very little bucket
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
