I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
COCAINE IS GR8
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
