he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
