Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
