Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
