worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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