i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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