The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
