it wasn't lemon gatorade
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
