i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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