i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
