Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
