I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
