So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
