I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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