i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
