Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry jd0385 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(806): View more from Texas

Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients

Fav 4 851 3059
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.

Fav 41 1069 6630
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(443): View more from Maryland

God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.

Fav 18 4279 1255
share tweet
(413): View more from Massachusetts

My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.

Fav 46 9114 1960
share tweet
(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.

Fav 17 5772 1158
share tweet
(740): View more from Ohio

his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis

Fav 5 1123 3217
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(406): View more from Montana

well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded

Fav 3 2096 1028
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(304): View more from West Virginia

Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.

Fav 3 698 268
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(605): View more from South Dakota

Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.

Fav 0 11 28
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT