I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
