I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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