I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
