the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
