I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
