I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
