On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
