y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
