i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
