Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry BonesPwns hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(909): View more from California

I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.

Fav 14 4916 966
share tweet
(419): View more from Ohio

I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.

Fav 37 2547 8179
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(760): View more from California

Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.

Fav 6 2449 1099
share tweet
(920): View more from Wisconsin

YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!

Fav 22 1710 961
share tweet
(806): View more from Texas

It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.

Fav 8 649 1621
share tweet
(973): View more from New Jersey

We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.

Fav 6 2001 758
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(289): View more from Ontario

I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.

Fav 4 691 975
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(225): View more from Louisiana

I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you

Fav 0 46 4
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating

Fav 0 15 45
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT