so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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