The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
