i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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