I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
