she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
