I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Randomize
