so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
