Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
