I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
