You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
