I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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