Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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