why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
