Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
