If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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