This is not my ceiling
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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