You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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