If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
