I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
