I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
