I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
